May 2010
1 post
Idiot's Guide to Surviving in a Horror Movie: Amy...
1. If you see an abandoned house/barn, don’t go into it! Those places are like a safe haven for serial killers. If you have a death wish, by all means go and explore it! Oh, and if you have a friend that is dumb enough to go in there, well I certainly wouldn’t advise you to go in after them. More than likely, they are already dead. 2. If a killer is after you, don’t run upstairs or into the...
February 2010
5 posts
Black River
Arms lash out at my captor
The icy black water wraps around me
Pulling me down into darkness
The freezing liquid seems to burn my skin
As I try to reach the surface
Hands hold onto my ankles, keeping me in place
Water engulfs my lungs
Smothering me in pain
The hands tug me down deeper
I finally give in
As Hades smiles at me from above
Death's Grip
Shadows prance along the walls
I grasp the blanket tight to my chin
Nightmares of before flash before me
Werewolves, Demons, the Undead
Blood, Death, and eternal Hell
I cry out hoping someone will run to me
Rescue me, hold me, dry my tears
Oh how I long for someone to comfort me
Tears sting my eyes, blinding me
But the visions are stamped into my mind
I look around for any type of...
Pain
Heart is pounding
Tears are falling
Everything is screaming
Screaming, screaming
Everything is shifting
Breath is quickening
Stop! Stop! Stop!
Silence.
All that is heard is the
Tick-tick-ticking
Of an old black clock
Blanks faces are staring
Zombies of the Undead
Welcome! Welcome!
No! No! No!
Is it worth all the pain?
A scream is heard
I start awake
I look in the mirror
And see...
The Rescue
Darkness swirls around me
I struggle against my binds
Calling out as blood trickles down my arm
The hollow hole in my heart
Causes tears of loneliness to fall
Demonic faces appear before me
Clawing at my flesh
Mocking my misery and pain
My heart feels compressed
I want to give up, give in
Let them destroy me
Let them take away everything I have
My body grows limp in acceptance
...
Nightmarish
Holding hands through the park
Sneaking kisses during movies
Feeling safe in your arms
Never wanting to leave your side
That’s how I dream of you
Trapped by your jealousy
Always trying to soothe your insecurities
A break up after every make up
Cruel words haunting me through the night
All this heartache, dreaming of you
Bound by your rules
Bruises down my arms
Lies covering the...
October 2009
5 posts
A Typical Convo with My Co-Worker 16: I work for...
Me: Okay this is just wrong.
Tina: What is?
Me: That he goes around breaking the law and gets away with it.
Tina: Well, it's not like we ever say anything to him about it.
Me: But I want to! I just get too nervous to say anything to him. Everyday I wake up and say "Today might be the day I confront my boss." Well, I used to.
Tina: Used to? As in past tense?
Me: Yes. You will not believe what happened to me yesterday.
Tina: What? Did he do something or say something to you?
Me: No, nothing like that. So I did the usual routine of saying that today might be the day when my brother brought up a good point. He said to me, "What if he tries to murder you for knowing too much?"
Tina: (laughing) Your brother said that?
Me: Yes, but that got me thinking. People are kind of crazy.
Tina: But he wouldn't do that.
Me: Maybe not, but you never know. That's not even the weird part. Last night, I got home and Bones was on. It turns out that the murderer killed the girl because she found out he was embezzling money from the company. Sound familiar?
Tina: Okay, that is a bit creepy, but I'm sure it was just a coincidence.
Me: Well, I now know that I never want to confront him when there are any murder weapons around. Scissors, box-cutters, needles, ball-point pens, staples.
Tina: Staples?
Me: Yes, anything can be a weapon nowadays. I saw on Bones that a woman was murdered by a staple to the head.
Tina: You watch too much Bones.
Me: Possibly. Although, he's a big guy. So even if he didn't have a murder weapon, he could still overpower me and beat me to death.
Tina: So I'm guessing you'll never confront him.
Me: The only way I'd feel comfortable confronting him is if we were in a white, padded room...and if he were missing a few limbs.
Tina: So I'm assuming that's a no then?
Me: Unless he starts cutting off his limbs and gets admitted into a mental institution, your assumption is correct.
Pretty Pretty Princess
I remember when I was a younger, Pretty Pretty Princess was a game that most girls were into. I never really understood the point. I was more into things like reading and video games. I’ve come to the conclusion that the game Pretty Pretty Princess has corrupted the female psyche. Girls today now believe that they are better than everyone else. They are a princess in their own mind...
A Typical Convo with My Co-worker 15: BFFs
Me: Should I be jealous?
Tina: Of what?
Me: You and HER being all BFF-y.
Tina: BFF-y? Really, Amy?
Me: Yes, it's a word in the New Amy-erican Dictionary. Look it up if you have a copy.
Tina: Wow, but why should you be jealous? Me and her aren't BFFs.
Me: Well, she's walking around all "Tina and I this" and "Tina and I that" and "Tina and I are planning a vacation together and are going to go get matching tattoos."
Tina: What? She is not!
Me: That's how it sounds to me. You guys are going to be lounging in Tijuana, drinking Mojitos on the sand, while getting tattooed with infected needles. I'll just be left here waiting for a postcard that says "Wish you were here".
Tina: You think way too much.
Me: You do you realize that once you get matching tattoos that you guys will be destined to be BFFs for life, right? In fact, that's what the tattoos will say. BFFs 4 Life. Gotta be the number 4 just to be uber-lame.
Tina: I don't even have words for that.
Me: You can even get them with arrows underneath so that the tattoos will point at each other when you are standing next to each other. Kind of like the "I'm with stupid" t-shirts.
Tina: Amy, that's not going to happen. I don't even like her. So you don't need to be jealous.
Me: Oh, I'm not really jealous. Because if that's what BFFs do, I'll pass.
The Blame Game
Don’t you hate it when people do things wrong and then place the blame on someone else? Well, I certainly do. I don’t understand why people don’t just man up and take the blame. So I came up with a few sayings to describe how I feel about the subject.
1. He who blames has nothing to gain. I mean really, maybe you don’t get the blame, but you sure do get a lot of...
Typical Convo with My Co-worker 14: Dark and...
Me: Oooh, I like this song. It's all dark and twisty.
Tina: Kind of like my mood. The weather isn't helping any.
Me: That reminds me, this weekend at church we were studying hypocrisy. Jesus said something to the Pharisees about being like whitewashed tombs. Nice on the outside and a dead, smelly body on the inside. I about fell over laughing.
Tina: Really? What did people say?
Me: Well, they looked at me like I was crazy. But then I told them that I really liked the analogy. It made sense. So many people today seem so perfect on the outside, but are actually dead and rotten on the inside.Finally, I just told them that my mind was dark and twisted so that they would leave me alone.
Tina: No one agreed with you?
Me: Well, that's the interesting part. The girl next to me said that the analogy could refer to coffins as well. I believe her exact words were "Coffins are pretty, but have dead people in them".
Tina: Coffins?
Me: Yes, coffins. I mean, I haven't seen many coffins in my 22 years, but I can't imagine finding one pretty. I don't think I want to go out and buy one.
Tina: Well, you'll have to buy one someday.
Me: Yeah, but that's the thing. I'm not going to buy one based on it's prettiness. I'm not going to be like "hey, this one will go perfect with my curtains". Coffins aren't decorated with stickers or paint...they are wood...or steel...whatever they are.
Tina: I get it. I get it. You aren't wanting a coffin anytime soon.
Me: Of course not! What do I look like? A vampire?
July 2009
4 posts
Escaping Scars
Drink after drink, hours go by
The pain fades more with each sip
Alcohol has become my medicine
Taking away everything that ails me
Tears streak down my face
Praying that it would end tonight
Hoping that the nightmare disappears
Everything grows darker
As I slip into unconsciousness
Even there he haunts me
His rough hands, bruising
His sharp teeth, scarring
Ruining what I am and used...
No Escape
Stiffling, smothering, got to get away
Living in my own personal Hell
Don’t think I can survive another day
Trapped in this cramped little cell
Waiting for a chance to escape
Someone to take me away from this place
Abuse, cutting, tears, and rape
The pain from each is etched upon my face
Wanting to drift away into an eternal sleep
Ready to give up on all I’ve worked for
...
Poem I wrote in high school
Disturbed Stars The stars blur before my eyes I’ve never been so lost before Grasping for the life and love That shunned me into the dark The stars smile and dance for me Mocking my secret strife Endless tears flow down my face As I ponder over my disturbed life The stars seem so bright and beautiful Like everything I want to be They light up the hope in my eyes And open them up so I may see...
Context
Me: You don’t need to do that. I can do it myself.
My Boss: I have a knife…
Me: Well, I have nails…
Kind of makes you want to know the context of the conversation, doesn’t it?
June 2009
2 posts
A Typical Convo with my Co-Worker 13: Regrets
Me: Okay, so I did something I shouldn't have done last night.
Tina: What? What did you do?
Me: Made out with a guy I can't stand.
Tina: What?? How did that happen?
Me: I was bored.
Tina: Okay...um, and that cured boredom?
Me: Look, I hadn't been kissed in a year and a half. It was a weak moment.
Tina: Well, you are only human. You aren't dead yet.
Me: And he was using all these lines that only attractive movie stars can get away with.
Tina: So, he's attractive?
Me: No, and he was making me so angry!
Tina: And you still made out with him?
Me: Well, here's the way I see it. When you haven't been kissed in a while, you've got to practice every so often just to make sure you are still good at it.
Tina: So...really...it was like exercise.
Me: Exactly!
Tina: So...are you going to see him again?
Me: Ew, no. That was a one time deal. I'm too lazy to exercise.
“Oh man, my head hurts. I feel like laser beams are about to shoot out of my...”
– Amy Thierbach(Me)
May 2009
21 posts
“I think if I close my eyes for a second, I can see a glimmer of me actually...”
– Amy Thierbach
A Typical Convo with my Co-Worker 12: Sick Day
(Phone rings. I answer.)
Me: Hello?
Tina: Hey, how are you feeling?
Me: Awful. It's like a vomit festival over here.
Tina: Okay. Gross. What's wrong with you? Like, did you catch a bug or something?
Me: I think I ate too much or something.
Tina: Ate too much? You do realize that you have been dieting lately.
Me: Yeah, I know. I broke my diet last night by having some Chik-fil-a.
Tina: What did you have?
Me: Um, an 8-piece nugget combo. With a sweet tea.
Tina: Sounds good. What else did you have?
Me: After I drank the sweet tea, I ate a cup full of ice.
Tina: Um...okay, but how did you eat too much again?
Me: The ice! That was just too much!
Tina: You do realize ice isn't food, right?
Me: Well, something got me sick.
Tina: Like I said, maybe you caught a bug.
Me: Or...hey, can you get food poisoning from ice?
A Typical Convo with my Co-Worker 11: Gym
Tina: You look like you are about to fall asleep over there.
Me: I'm worn out!
Tina: Did you go to the gym last night?
Me: Yes, it seems to be the only thing that helps me with my anger issues.
Tina: Well that's good!
Me: Yeah, but now all I want to do is sleep. I'm pretty sure that I was close to falling asleep while on the treadmill last night.
Tina: Is that even possible?
Me: For me? Yes.
Tina: Okay then, how do you feel today?
Me: Obviously tired and a little sore. Oh, and when I got in my shower this morning, I was like "Ew, my hair feels gross!" So I stood there trying to figure out why, and then I realized it was because my hair got sweat in it last night.
Tina: That tends to happen.
Me: I know, but you should've heard what my dad said to me! He was like, "Just think about it this way. Sweat is the fat dripping off of your body." Fat in my hair, great!
Tina: Wow. That sure is a "Gee thanks!" moment.
Me: I know. I told him, "Thanks, that gave me a different perspective." I was really thinking how gross that was, and how I never want to sweat again.
Tina: So are you going back tonight?
Me: Of course! I think my fatty sweat makes my hair softer.
Me and my Pixie
Me: Alright, well, I'll shoot up up later.
Pixie: Huh?
Me: Wait...I think the phrase I was going for was "hit you up later".
Pixie: I figured.
Me: Because I don't actually intend on inserting cocaine into your system.
A Typical Convo with my Co-worker 10: New Theory
Me: Okay, forget the "ghost of a butcher" theory. I think our boss is a Communist.
Tina: Wow. Extreme, and yet believable.
Me: I mean, this whole eating lunch at exactly 12:30 thing is a bit ridiculous. Who has the time to watch the clock just to make sure they eat lunch as soon as the clock strikes 12:30? No one!
Tina: I agree. It's pretty stupid.
Me: Next thing you know, we are going to have a dress code!
Tina: Why do you think that?
Me: Well, he wants everyone to be uniform, correct? So we will all have to dress in gray rags. He will of course be dressed in military garb, just so everyone knows that he's better than us.
Tina: You've really thought this out haven't you?
Me: He's like the Stalin of today. Can't you see?
Tina: Yeah, he's pretty bad. So are you saying that he's haunted by Stalin now instead of a butcher?
Me: No, I'm saying he IS Stalin. See, Stalin obviously was one of the undead and can live forever. So....Stalin is still alive...in the form of our boss.
Tina: Uhh....I have nothing to say to that.
Me: Just watch. Next thing you know, we will become Russian zombies.
A Typical Convo with my Co-Worker 9: Comparisons
Me: So, I saw Wolverine this weekend
Tina: Really? How was it?
Me: I loved it! However, since then I've been comparing everyone in my life to X-men characters.
Tina: Oh wow. Can't wait to hear this one.
Me: See, I'm like Cyclops.
Tina: How so?
Me: Well for starters, I'm amazing! Also, I can shoot lasers at people with my eyes.
Tina: You do have a bit of a death glare.
Me: And you are like Jean Grey.
Tina: Wait, weren't Jean and Cyclops together?
Me: Okay, ignore that part. I'm basing these off of traits.
Tina: Alright. How am I like Jean?
Me: Well, you are the reasonable one, and sometimes you are able to read my mind.
Tina: It kind of helps when you always make it obvious what you are thinking. Wait, can Jean even read minds?
Me: I don't know. Whatever, just go with it. My sister is like Storm. She has crazy mood swings...that sometimes affect the weather.
Tina: That's a bit of an exaggeration. Anyone else?
Me: Yeah. Basically 98% of the rest of the population are like Rogue.
Tina: Why?
Me: Because they have the power to suck the life out of you.
A Typical Convo with my Co-Worker 8: Descriptions
Tina: Where's Shaun?
Me: He is talking to some customers. There are two different guys here.
Tina: Oh really? I only saw the one.
Me: Well the other guy is younger and more attractive. He's buff, got a strong jaw, and has dark hair.
Tina: Sounds very good-looking.
(A short, chubby guy walks in. Tina looks confused. Then he walks back out.)
Tina: Was that the guy you were talking about?
Me: Yeah, I may have gotten my description a bit wrong.
Tina: A bit? That was way off. He was not buff!
Me: Nope, he was round.
Tina: He did not have a strong jaw.
Me: Yeah, it was kind of round too.
Tina: And he was not attractive!
Me: Well, apparently when I see unattractive guys, I envision The Rock.
A Typical Convo with my Co-Worker 7: So Tired
Me: (yawns) Holy wow, I'm so tired.
Tina: (yawns) Could you please not yawn? You'll make ME tired.
Me: I'm sorry. It's just that I went to gym last night, and I think it just made me really tired.
Tina: The gym? Really? How was that?
Me: I felt great afterwards!
Tina: That's good. Are you sore today?
Me: Yeah, I am.
Tina: Where?
Me: My back.
Tina: Oh, did you lift weights or something?
Me: No.
Tina: Then why is your back sore?
Me: Dunno, maybe I slept on it weird.
Tina: Well, that would make sense. So when did you go? After work?
Me: Nah, I went around 10.
Tina: At night?
Me: Of course. Season finale of Fringe was on last night. Couldn't miss it, so I went afterwards. (yawns) Man, that gym made me tired.
Tina: Okay...so...if you went to the gym at 10 last night, what time did you go to bed?
Me: About 1.
Tina: In the morning? Oh yeah, it's definitely the gym's fault you are tired(rolls eyes).
Me: Sure is. Nobody else to blame. Stupid gym. (yawns)
A Typical Convo with my Co-Worker 6: Harry Potter
Me: Hey, Tina, do you wanna hear a weird story?
Tina: You mean something weirder than usual?
Me: Maybe, not sure.
Tina: Go ahead.
Me: Well, when I was in high school, I knew this girl that wasn't allowed to go see the Harry Potter movies.
Tina: That's not that weird. How old was she?
Me: 15, I think.
Tina: Slightly weirder. Why couldn't she watch them?
Me: Her parents went and saw the movies first. They said that when they watched them, their souls were crying.
Tina: What? What does that even mean?
Me: I have no idea. But it sounds hilarious. All I know is that when I watch Harry Potter, my soul SOARS!
Tina: That's probably why they didn't want her to watch those movies. They didn't want her soul to fall for Harry Potter.
Me: They didn't want her soul corrupted. They didn't want her to dream of being Dumbledore when she grew up.
Tina: (laughing) Is that what happened to you?
Me: No. Personally, I've always wanted to be Neville Longbottom.
A Typical Convo with my Co-worker 5: Lunch
Me: Hey, Tina, what did you bring for lunch?
Tina: A granola bar and some yogurt.
Me: Blech! What a boring lunch!
Tina: Well, what did you bring?
Me: You know what sounds good? A large, juicy steak with a side of garlic mashed potatoes. Add a caesar salad to that as well.
Tina: What did you actually bring?
Me: Or...a healthy portion of chicken parmesagn with some bread dipped in olive oil. Add a caesar salad.
Tina: That does sound pretty good. You seem to have a thing for caesar salads, but what did you actually bring?
Me: Oh! And you know what sounds even better? Some hot, steamy chili in a bread bowl.
Tina: Add a caesar salad?
Me: Ew. With chili? No.
Tina: Okay, this is starting to get ridiculous. What did you actually bring for lunch?
Me: Ritz crackers.
Potterlicious
Okay, here it is! Just finished. Took me about a total of 4 hours(yesterday and today) to get it all right. Potterlicious…to the tune of Fergie’s “Fergalicious”
Potterlicious
Boy Singer: Listen up ya’ll, ‘cause this is it, Story ‘bout a boy so fictitious
Girl Singer: Potterlicious definition drive them nerd girls loco Voldie wants him dead so that he can rule, fo’ sho’ Him and Ginny, Ron,...
A Typical Convo with my Co-Worker 4: Evil Spirit
Me: Tina, do you believe in evil spirits?
Tina: Yes, I do.
Me: Like the kind that haunt your house?
Tina: Yes.
Me: Do you think they can possess people?
Tina: Eh...not all that, no.
Me: Not even our boss?
Tina: Well, that's a different story.
Me: How old do you think this building is?
Tina: I don't know. 10 plus years.
Me: Well, I have a theory.
Tina: Oh no, I can just imagine.
Me: Okay so, here's what I think. This used to be a warehouse that stored meat.
Tina: Did it? There isn't a large refridgerator in here.
Me: I don't know, but I'm sure they could've moved it. Anyways, the meat storing warehouse was run by a grouchy old butcher.
Tina: Okay. Is there a point to this?
Me: Yes. The grouchy old butcher wanted everything to be done his way. The meat to be cut exactly right. The workers to be more precise. So he decided he would have to show them how to do things correctly.
Tina: Well, that's not too bad.
Me: He used his workers as examples.
Tina: Wait, what?
Me: Yeah, he cut up all of his employees and sold that meat.
Tina: He never got caught?
Me: Well, I guess he ran out of meat. It wasn't until they found him here dead, that they realized he had started to cut off his own limbs.
Tina: Really??
Me: Yes.
Tina: That really happened?
Me: No, but I still think an evil spirit is possessing our boss.
“I’m just a fairy tale girl living in a reality world, wondering when the...”
– Amy Thierbach(myself)
A Typical Convo with my Co-Worker 3: Attack of the...
Me: Oh no. There are people coming in with boxes of stuff that aren’t clothing. They're going to try to sell us stuff.
Tina: Don’t they ever see that “No Soliciting” sign by the door?
Me: I don’t know. Just get rid of them.
Tina: Okay.
(She leaves as a salesperson enters)
Salesperson: (big smile) Hey there! Do you have my shirts ready?
Me: Uh…well…um…
Salesperson: I’m just kidding! I’m not a customer. I’m here for you though!
Me: Okay…
Salesperson: I’m here to show you some brand named perfume that we are selling today for only $25. What do you normally wear?
Me: Hilary Duff’s With Love.
Salesperson: Oh, well we don’t have any of that. What does it smell like?
Me: Well. It’s kind of vanilla-esque.
Salesperson: I need one of those.
Me: Er…one of what?
Salesperson: A steamer. I need a steamer. Might help out around the house.
Me: Um…okay.
Salesperson: So what kind of perfume are you interested in? How does this smell? Oh wait, what about this one? Which one is better?
Me: That last one smelled really good.
Salesperson: That was Britney Spears’ Crazy. I mean she’s crazy, but at least she smells good (laughs).
Me: Right…
Salesperson: So you want a little bit of the Crazy then? Only $25.
Me: Actually, I don’t have any cash with me. So…I can’t buy anything.
Salesperson: (smile falters) Oh, okay. Well, have a nice day.
(He leaves and Tina pops around the corner)
Tina: All of that talk for nothing, huh?
Me: Hey, at least I wasn’t lying. I really didn’t have any cash. Not that I would’ve bought it anyway. I can get perfume for $7!
Tina: Oh really?
Me: Well…when it’s on sale. Hey, I thought you were going to keep the salespeople out!
Tina: There were 3 of them. I talked to two of them, while he cornered you.
Me: That’s unlucky. I thought he’d never shut up for me to say “no”.
Tina: Yeah, it looked like you didn’t talk much.
Me: Well, honestly, when he asked me “What do you normally wear?”, I wanted to say “Nothing. I just like the smell of myself…and my deodorant.”
Tina: That’s one way to say no.
Me: Oh!! Not to mention, he randomly mentioned his need for a steamer.
Tina: What? Maybe he was just trying to make small talk.
Me: What kind of small talk is that?? Not “How is the weather?” or “What are your plans this week?” Instead he tells me he needs a steamer! I mean, seriously, what do you even say to that? I know what I was thinking, and it was along the lines of “I really don’t care!”
Tina: Wow. Just wow.
Me: More than just wow. Holy WOW. And when I say “WOW”, I mean World of Warcraft.
Tina: Nice one.
Me: I know. By the way, I think I need a steamer too.
A Typical Convo with my Co-worker 2: Folding Chair...
Me: AAAAGH!!
Tina: What?
Me: The chair that was holding the shirts fell over!
Tina: How many shirts were on the chair?
Me: Um, around 90-ish.
Tina: (laughing) 90? No wonder it fell over.
Me: You know, instead of laughing, you could be helping me pick these shirts up.
Tina: Okay, okay. You shouldn't be suprised it fell over. 90 shirts on a folding chair. Of course it finally gave out.
Me: The chair was fine...until I ran into it.
Tina: You ran into it? How'd you do that?
Me: Well, you see, a folding chair with 90 shirts on it takes up a lot of space.
Tina: Yeah, I get that, but you knew the chair was there.
Me: I forgot about it.
Tina: But again, how'd you run into it? It's gotta be more than just "It takes up a lot space."
Me: I didn't see it.
Tina: You didn't see a chair with a mountain of shirts on it?
Me: I'm half blind! That's why I need glasses!
Tina: But you are wearing your glasses.
Me: They don't work all the time.
(Five minutes later)
Me: AAAAGH!
Tina: What?
Me: I knocked the chair over again!
I'm in love with a nerd
Okay so here’s the final product. As you know, I took “I’m in love with a girl” by Gavin Degraw and rewrote it so that it would be “I’m in love with a nerd”. It was rather hard because that song is soooo wordy. Here it is: “I’m in love with a nerd” I met him in an aisle of a bookstore He was reading The Adventures Of Superman But there’s nothing like a guy in glasses, who reads comic books and...
Playing nice=Pwnage!
So have you ever had a person that you really could not stand? You pretty much despise them, but have to act like you like them because your friends do? Yes, well, that is exactly what I feel like writing about today. Why? Because I so got pwned by one today.
Don’t you hate it when the person you despise knows so much about you? Even the bad stuff. They use that stuff as ammo too. ...
Somehow I relate.
Edward Rochester: Are you always drawn to the loveless and unfriended?
Jane Eyre: When it's deserved.
Jealous Girlfriends
I’m one of those girls that always has a bunch of guy friends. Girls tend to not like me. I’m not really sure why. I remember having some girl friends in middle school that had a conversation with me very similar to this:
Girl 1: So has Adam mentioned anything about me?
Me: No. He doesn’t really talk about girls.
Girl 2: What about Ray?
Me: Nope. Him either. I just wish Chris...
Weirdness.
Since I’m new to Tumblr, and you already know I’m slightly odd, I figured I’d try to prove my oddness further. So I’m going to give you 10 odd/nerdy facts about….moi!
1. I sleep with a teddy bear. My teddy bear is named Pippin. I named him after the hobbit in Lord of the Rings. I think I had a small crush on the hobbit Pippin.
2. I lick all of the flavor off...
The Ex-Factor
I don’t date much. Really, I haven’t been on a date in over a year. I’ve always wondered why i can’t ever get guys to ask me out.
Best Guy Friend: It’s because guys are intimidated by you.
Me: Really? How? What do I do wrong?
Best Guy Friend: No idea. Maybe you are just scary.
Me:…Very helpful…
So I decided to delve into the minds of...
April 2009
3 posts
What is with that stank?
You would be lying if you said this has never happened to you before.
You: Oh gosh. Something smells awful.
You walk around for a little bit and realize that everywhere you go it still stinks. You are starting to realize that people are trying to sit as far from you as possible.
You: It can’t be me. I took a shower. Not to mention I’m wearing my Axe deodorant.
That’s...
A typical convo with my co-worker
Me: Who came up with izzle talk?
Tina: Snoop Dogg.
Me: Really? He should die for that. Okay, maybe not die. That's a bit extreme. He needs to have his vocal chords extracted then.
Tina: So I'm guessing you don't like it.
Me: No, it's ridiculous. I mean seriously. Fo' shizzle my nizzle? What does that even mean? Fo' sheezy sounds way cooler.
Tina: How so?
Me: Okay, see. When I think of shizzle, I i think of sizzle. And when I think of sizzle, I think of steak. And nizzle is just 2 letters away from being nipple. So what I'm actually hearing is, "For steak my nipple." Nipple steaks! Not cool. Oh, and what about drizzle? I don't even know what that one means but apparently it doesn't mean a light rain anymore!
Tina: (laughing) Wow, okay. So "Fo' sheezy" doesn't make you think anything weird.
Me: Oh, it does. Makes me think about cheese. But cheese is way cooler than steak nipples. Do people still use the izzle language?
Tina: Maybe.
Me: I hope not. That was soooo 6 years ago.
Tina: That long?
Me: Fo' sho'.
Interruptions
Have you ever been in this situation before?
You: I went on the worst date ever last night. The guy showed up and—-
Friend: Hey, you didn’t tell me you were going on a date. You: Well, that’s what I’m trying to tell you about. He—
Friend: Was he cute? How’d you meet?
You: Yes, and at the movie store. Anyways, he came to pick me up and—
Friend: The...