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My name is Amy. I'm 21, and I live just outside of Charlotte, NC. This is how my mind works.

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29 May 10

Idiot’s Guide to Surviving in a Horror Movie: Amy Edition

1. If you see an abandoned house/barn, don’t go into it! Those places are like a safe haven for serial killers. If you have a death wish, by all means go and explore it! Oh, and if you have a friend that is dumb enough to go in there, well I certainly wouldn’t advise you to go in after them. More than likely, they are already dead.

2. If a killer is after you, don’t run upstairs or into the basement. I don’t care if you lock the door behind you. The killers always have ways to get in. Unless you are going to jump out of a two-story window, which is stupid anyway, then I wouldn’t advise you to run upstairs.

3. Don’t provoke the killer! I never understand why people do this. They just stand there yelling and insulting the killer. You know what tends to happen to these people? They are interrupted mid-rant by an axe to the forehead. So really, it’s just better to keep your mouth shut.

4. Don’t go anywhere alone! I never understood why people always wander off from the rest of the group. I mean, what are you going to accomplish by yourself without the rest of the group? Oh yeah, you get murdered.

5. Don’t ever underestimate your enemy! If there is a locked door, window, wall, or anything else in the way that you think he can’t get through, more than likely he will find a way! So don’t just sit in a room with the door locked just because you don’t think he can get in. That would just make it way to easy for him to kill you.

6. Just because the killer is down for the count doesn’t mean he is dead. I mean really, why in the world would you try to poke him just to make sure he’s dead? Killers in movies are like superhuman and can pretty much survive anything. So…I wouldn’t go anywhere near the supposedly dead killer.

7. Don’t trust anyone. The killer could any one of those people you call your friends. Even if you are in the room with one of them while the killer is there. Guess what? There could be TWO killers!! Wouldn’t be the first time. What is it with all the attractive guys in the movies being the psychos anyway?

8. Keep your cell phone charged! You never know when you are going to need it…like to call for help when all the power is out! If you have a bad battery, well then that’s just sad day for you, isn’t it?

9. Protect yourself. Find a weapon. Anything that could come in handy. A knife, fire poker, bat, lamp, broomstick? I mean really, get creative if you have to! Anything can be used as a weapon nowadays so it shouldn’t be hard to find something.

10. No debauchery. It’s always the people drinking, doing drugs, and sleeping around that die. So if you stay away from those things, it will definitely help your chances of surviving.

11. Be paranoid. Carry around a mirror to help you look around corners if you have to! You never know where the killer could pop out next. So always be cautious.

12. Don’t go outside or into another room just because you hear a noise or if you already know the killer is there. That’s just plain idiotic. That’s like coming out into the open and saying “Here I am! I’m ready to be murdered now!”

13. After you escape, don’t look back! Don’t try to go back because you think he is dead…or gone. More than likely, that’s not the case. I mean, why would you want to go back anyway?

14. Have an IQ over 5. Come on! You know what I’m talking about! Stop answering the phone and acting stupid when someone calls you 80 times breathing heavily and asking you what your favorite scary movie is!

15. (This one is for my mother.) Bring Macaulay Culkin with you…because he survived Home Alone. The boy survived through a holiday in house by himself while burglars were trying to break into his house. Learn from him, and you will survive. :)

5 February 10

Black River

Arms lash out at my captor

The icy black water wraps around me

Pulling me down into darkness

The freezing liquid seems to burn my skin

As I try to reach the surface

Hands hold onto my ankles, keeping me in place

Water engulfs my lungs

Smothering me in pain

The hands tug me down deeper

I finally give in

As Hades smiles at me from above

Posted: 11:54 PM

Death’s Grip

Shadows prance along the walls

I grasp the blanket tight to my chin

Nightmares of before flash before me

Werewolves, Demons, the Undead

Blood, Death, and eternal Hell

I cry out hoping someone will run to me

Rescue me, hold me, dry my tears

Oh how I long for someone to comfort me

Tears sting my eyes, blinding me

But the visions are stamped into my mind

I look around for any type of solace

The door creaks open

Someone who will protect me!

But I cower back in fear

As the cloaked figure points his gnarled finger at me

He beckons and grips hold of my arm

I bite my lip in fear and lash out

His hood falls back exposing decayed flesh

His eyes are of flames

Engulfing everything I am

Death has come for me again

Posted: 11:53 PM

Pain

Heart is pounding

Tears are falling

Everything is screaming

Screaming, screaming

Everything is shifting

Breath is quickening

Stop! Stop! Stop!

Silence.

All that is heard is the

Tick-tick-ticking

Of an old black clock

Blanks faces are staring

Zombies of the Undead

Welcome! Welcome!

No! No! No!

Is it worth all the pain?

A scream is heard

I start awake

I look in the mirror

And see through my eyes

That blood is dripping from my hands

Posted: 11:52 PM

The Rescue

Darkness swirls around me

I struggle against my binds

Calling out as blood trickles down my arm

The hollow hole in my heart

Causes tears of loneliness to fall

Demonic faces appear before me

Clawing at my flesh

Mocking my misery and pain

My heart feels compressed

I want to give up, give in

Let them destroy me

Let them take away everything I have

My body grows limp in acceptance

Suddenly a bright light pierces the darkness

Clashing swords, spilt blood

Bodies falling, lives lost

I hear a click from above

As my body crumbles away from my chains

Arms encircle my body and hold me tight

My numbness fades away

As warmth spreads through my body

I gaze confusedly upon you

Claw marks covered your skin

Your wrists were slashed and bruised

Tears streaked your blood red face

I looked down at my unscathed body

You endured what I couldn’t handle

Bore the pain that was meant for me

My gorgeous Rescuer

My loving Savior

My unselfish Love

Posted: 11:40 PM

Nightmarish

Holding hands through the park

Sneaking kisses during movies

Feeling safe in your arms

Never wanting to leave your side

That’s how I dream of you

Trapped by your jealousy

Always trying to soothe your insecurities

A break up after every make up

Cruel words haunting me through the night

All this heartache, dreaming of you

Bound by your rules

Bruises down my arms

Lies covering the awful truth

Silently crying for a way out

I can’t escape this dream of you

Tears falling down my cheeks

Nails digging in my skin

Screams filling the night air

Biting my lips to smother my fear

My dreams are turning to nightmares

The sound of gunshots

Blood staining the carpet

Sirens shrieking through the silence

Lifeless eyes void of pain

It seems my nightmare has come true

Written by me.

29 October 09

A Typical Convo with My Co-Worker 16: I work for an Axe-Murderer

  • Me: Okay this is just wrong.
  • Tina: What is?
  • Me: That he goes around breaking the law and gets away with it.
  • Tina: Well, it's not like we ever say anything to him about it.
  • Me: But I want to! I just get too nervous to say anything to him. Everyday I wake up and say "Today might be the day I confront my boss." Well, I used to.
  • Tina: Used to? As in past tense?
  • Me: Yes. You will not believe what happened to me yesterday.
  • Tina: What? Did he do something or say something to you?
  • Me: No, nothing like that. So I did the usual routine of saying that today might be the day when my brother brought up a good point. He said to me, "What if he tries to murder you for knowing too much?"
  • Tina: (laughing) Your brother said that?
  • Me: Yes, but that got me thinking. People are kind of crazy.
  • Tina: But he wouldn't do that.
  • Me: Maybe not, but you never know. That's not even the weird part. Last night, I got home and Bones was on. It turns out that the murderer killed the girl because she found out he was embezzling money from the company. Sound familiar?
  • Tina: Okay, that is a bit creepy, but I'm sure it was just a coincidence.
  • Me: Well, I now know that I never want to confront him when there are any murder weapons around. Scissors, box-cutters, needles, ball-point pens, staples.
  • Tina: Staples?
  • Me: Yes, anything can be a weapon nowadays. I saw on Bones that a woman was murdered by a staple to the head.
  • Tina: You watch too much Bones.
  • Me: Possibly. Although, he's a big guy. So even if he didn't have a murder weapon, he could still overpower me and beat me to death.
  • Tina: So I'm guessing you'll never confront him.
  • Me: The only way I'd feel comfortable confronting him is if we were in a white, padded room...and if he were missing a few limbs.
  • Tina: So I'm assuming that's a no then?
  • Me: Unless he starts cutting off his limbs and gets admitted into a mental institution, your assumption is correct.
28 October 09

Pretty Pretty Princess

     I remember when I was a younger, Pretty Pretty Princess was a game that most girls were into.  I never really understood the point.  I was more into things like reading and video games.  I’ve come to the conclusion that the game Pretty Pretty Princess has corrupted the female psyche.  Girls today now believe that they are better than everyone else.  They are a princess in their own mind and everyone else is beneath them.  I’m not saying that you can’t be “Daddy’s little princess”.  I’m also not saying that when you find your “Prince Charming” he shouldn’t treat you like a princess.  I’m saying that you shouldn’t act like you are better than everyone else.  Here are some common traits of our modern day princesses:

1.  They do whatever they want without caring how it affects others.  I work with this woman who truly believes that she is the next Cleopatra.  She walks around in her little tank tops with the air turned on as high as possible.  She must not realize that the rest of us are all bundled up in our hoodie sweatshirts just trying to keep warm, right?  Wrong!  She sees us.  She just doesn’t care.  She’s princess…she gets what she wants.

2.  The look.  Oh, I’m sure you are all well aware of the look I’m speaking of.  The look that says “I’m so much better than you.”  The look is given to those that they believe are mere peasants.  So really, everyone that isn’t the princess gets the look.  I’d prefer being a peasant compared to the much hated pompousness that comes with being a princess.

3.  Whatever they say has to be heard.  This is most annoying thing ever.  You could be talking, and they’ll interrupt you.  You could be on the phone, and they’ll speak louder so you’ll hear them instead.  Basically, you have to drop everything to give them attention.  It’s at times like these when I wish the princess was locked away in a tower  far away.  I’d never have to hear her mouth ever again.

     So to all those “princesses” out there:  Get a clue, grow up, and realize that you are as much of a common mortal as the rest of us.  All I know is that I stand by my choice as a kid.  I never want to be a Pretty Pretty Princess.

Posted: 12:47 PM

A Typical Convo with My Co-worker 15: BFFs

  • Me: Should I be jealous?
  • Tina: Of what?
  • Me: You and HER being all BFF-y.
  • Tina: BFF-y? Really, Amy?
  • Me: Yes, it's a word in the New Amy-erican Dictionary. Look it up if you have a copy.
  • Tina: Wow, but why should you be jealous? Me and her aren't BFFs.
  • Me: Well, she's walking around all "Tina and I this" and "Tina and I that" and "Tina and I are planning a vacation together and are going to go get matching tattoos."
  • Tina: What? She is not!
  • Me: That's how it sounds to me. You guys are going to be lounging in Tijuana, drinking Mojitos on the sand, while getting tattooed with infected needles. I'll just be left here waiting for a postcard that says "Wish you were here".
  • Tina: You think way too much.
  • Me: You do you realize that once you get matching tattoos that you guys will be destined to be BFFs for life, right? In fact, that's what the tattoos will say. BFFs 4 Life. Gotta be the number 4 just to be uber-lame.
  • Tina: I don't even have words for that.
  • Me: You can even get them with arrows underneath so that the tattoos will point at each other when you are standing next to each other. Kind of like the "I'm with stupid" t-shirts.
  • Tina: Amy, that's not going to happen. I don't even like her. So you don't need to be jealous.
  • Me: Oh, I'm not really jealous. Because if that's what BFFs do, I'll pass.
27 October 09

The Blame Game

     Don’t you hate it when people do things wrong and then place the blame on someone else?  Well, I certainly do.  I don’t understand why people don’t just man up and take the blame.  So I came up with a few sayings to describe how I feel about the subject.

1.  He who blames has nothing to gain.  I mean really, maybe you don’t get the blame, but you sure do get a lot of hostility aimed towards you.  No one likes to be thrown under the bus, especially those who have done nothing wrong.  They might get so angry that they knife you in the back or something.  Revenge is sweet, my friends.

2.  He who blames need to be set aflame.  Because he’s a LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE!  No one likes a liar.  I, honestly, can’t stand them.  When you have a habit of lying, no one is going to trust you.  You’ll be known as the “Boy Who Cried ‘I didn’t do it!’” 

3.  He who blames is only looking for fame.  They are looking to be in the spotlight.  They want to be seen as the perfect little angel in the scenario.  If they place the blame on someone else, they’ll be the one getting all the good recognition.  You kind of want to say “Break a leg!” and actually mean it.

     So all in all, it comes down to the fact that blaming others is cowardly.  Next time you want to play the Blame Game, remember these facts: you could end up dead in an alley somewhere, you could die alone because no one trusts you, or you could end up with a broken leg.  He who blames….needs a kick in the head.

Themed by Hunson. Originally by Josh